cherry waves
There will be an abundance of Drew Barrymore, Marilyn Monroe, Penelope Cruz, The Cure, Digable Planets, Nine Inch Nails, Deftones, The Kills, Peter Falk, Robert Downey Jr and anyone else I think is cool.
You have been warned.
Once in a while I might get a little personal.
I am also here ...
www.last.fm/user/cherry_waves77
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Feist :: The Limit To Your Love
Listening to.
Every time she blinks
she strikes somebody blind.
GPOY, light of my life edition.
There is a famous saying, it goes …
‘tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
That’s not true though. Sadly. I can see why people would say it, perhaps even think it, surely it’s better to have at least had that time, those moments, than to never have experienced it at all. On occasion I’ve even thought it myself.
Fuck the pain, the empty feeling inside, forget that once you were complete.
I say this to myself all the time. In all honesty I think I’m rather pathetic for not being able to get over her. But how do you get over someone when they lit up your life like no other before or since? A girl that had you trembling, like a schoolboy, at her touch. A girl that made you smile uncontrollably. Laughing like you didn’t have a care in the world. A girl that you’d lay next to whilst she was asleep and just smile contently at her beauty.
The one.
Is it possible? I hope it is. This coming March it’ll be 3 years since we split and I still think about her everyday. I still see things and want to buy them for her. I hear songs and I want to share them with her, read the news and want to discuss it with her, see films and wish she could’ve seen them with me, hear jokes and wish I could see her laugh.
I want to eat pineapple with her again. I want to cook Fajitas like we used to, eat muesli and drink orange juice for breakfast, watch programmes I don’t really like just because it makes her happy, sit on her bed and watch as she does her hair and make up, wait as she tries on 5 outfits before finally settling on the first one. I want to see her face as she plays her favourite song. I want her to beat me at pool. I want to cover her stairway, and bathroom, in rose petals for when she comes home from work. I want to quote Wayne’s World 1 & 2, and hear her come back with the next line, that was always guaranteed to make us both laugh.
All the things we used to do.
I hope that I am able to think of her, sometime in the future, and not feel a sense of loss.
But if I don’t … She was - is? - worth the pain.
And it’s at this point that I realise I’ve just proved myself wrong.
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
So, after all that I should finish by saying …
Thank you, Stephanie. You gave me the happiest moments of my life. I will always love you, and I wish you every single drop of happiness you deserve, you lit up my world and made me feel like anything was possible.
Stay happy, stay you.
Always,
x
P.S. Party on.
She was my rock n’ roll queen, I loved her more than I have ever loved any other girl, she made me smile every single day.
I still remember the first time I met her, the song that was playing on the radio, the clothes I was wearing, what she was wearing. I even remember the conversation we had. Nothing happened that night, I was with someone at the time, and I didn’t see her again for another 6 months.
But when I did see her, she rocked my world - again - and I remember watching as she walked down the stairs to the De La Warr Pavilion. I was the Café/Bar Manager at the time, she’d been taken on by the Catering Manager, and as I watched her walk down those stairs I knew I was going to be with her.
There was not a single doubt in my mind.
We didn’t get together whilst she worked alongside me as part of my team during those autumn-winter months. She’d already made plans to travel to Australia for a year. Every day that that trip got a little closer I felt a little sadder. Like I was going to lose her forever. Before she left I made her a mix-tape - which I called P.S. You rock my world - almost as an attempt to tell her how I felt. I gave her it at the very last minute.
I even missed her leaving party as I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye.
For a whole year I went about my life, occasionally checking her updates on Facebook, and tried to forget that I’d been such a coward as to not ask her if she felt the same. She returned to the De La Warr just over a year later, finally I had my chance, I kept thinking of the saying “third time lucky”
We all went out for a works party a couple weeks later, I told her that night, I told her everything. After all the waiting, missed chances, self doubt, and fear of looking foolish, it turned out she’d felt the same.
She liked me. She. Liked. Me.
And so began the greatest love affair of my life. A relationship that changed me in so many ways - all good - and one that I’ll be thankful for until the day I die.
As you’re probably aware, our relationship ran it’s course, we weren’t meant to stay together - even though my love for her still remains strong - and I count myself lucky to have had those moments with her. She truly was is the one.
So I thank you, Stephanie. I thank you for every single minute we shared.
I wish you all the happiness you deserve.
x
My greatest joy, my greatest pain.
